For the past week, I have been walking around the house singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year". I sing it every year at this time with lyrics that rhyme with things like how much more food will be in the frig now that the kids are going back to school, and how much cleaner the house will be, to how quiet it will be because the kids will be doing their homework or going to sleep at a decent hour.
This year, I find myself not singing it with as much vigor as usual. Today my son caught me staring at him. He smiled and said his usual "what". I just remarked that I just thought he was such a cutie. How could I tell him that I was trying to take a visual picture of my son without facial hair and that baby look still on his youthful face? After all it seemed like yesterday when he was running in the yard while trying to keep his diaper from falling down chasing after one of our dogs. Now, he is starting middle school, and he is starting to talk about which college he will attend. (the aching in my heart has begun).
My daughter which starts her sophmore year in high school is coloring her hair tonight so she can make this big impact on her first day. I still recall the four year old little busy body dragging her 2 month old brother out of the crib upside down, and bringing him to me. His face tomato red with a big smile as I felt the blood drain from mine. That lil busy body is now bugging me to get her driver's permit. Gracious, the child can't even drive a shopping cart for pity sake! But I will have to muster all of my courage, and let her drive in a parking lot soon...a very large parking lot! 2 1/2 years until she turns 18. The ache in my heart grows larger.
There will be a time when there will be no more going to Walmart for school supplies, or late night hair coloring sessions. There may be a time where it might be a year or more before I even see my kids. After all it has been over a year since my Mom has seen me.
Contemplating this future has been sobering. Lately I find myself wanting to spend as much time with my children as possible. Trying not to let one moment go by, because that moment will not come again. Not while they are this age. I wish I had taken more pictures of them while they were younger. Too late the moment has passed. I have friends who say they can't wait to be grandparents. I can wait. That time will be here soon enough.
Until then, with tears streaming down my face, I am thankful my babies still need me. I am still Mama, I don't feel good, Mama, I'm hungry, and Mama I still need you now. I get to wake up early and make sure my kids are ready in time for the bus to arrive. I get to lean against the door frame and watch them get on the bus while waving and telling them to have a good day and that I love them. I get to wait for the bus while watering the plants in the yard. I get to receive phone calls from school nurses telling me one of my kids doesn't feel well. Yep, it is the most wonderful time of the year because I still have my babies and they go to school, and I still get to watch them grow.
