I am not an Oak

I am not an oak. Ok, that may sound strange , but for as long as I can recall, whenever I was in a difficult time in my life, my Mother would say to me, "remember du bist eine Deutsch Eiche" which means You are a German Oak. In California, there are not too many Oak trees but plenty of beautiful oak furniture so I didn't seem to mind. After all it's just a saying. Then as life got rougher, I heard it all too often.
I live on 2 1/2 acres of Oak Trees. It seemed like a good idea at the time when we were looking for a home, but now I am plagued with ankle deep leaves in Fall. And most recently dealing with the ice storm mess that has showered my yard with tree width sized limbs all over the place courtesy of the over abundance of 40+ year old oak trees. After the insurance adjuster came out on Thursday, it was back to work. I don't know why it seemed like a revelation since I had an inkling prior to this, but I am extremely allergic to Oak Trees. Even though I took Claritin D that day for other allergy related whatevers, my lungs, sinus', and throat were plugged up as I went into the house gagging for air after about 3 hours of working in the yard. Usually if I am in the garden, I do not have too much contact with oak matter, so it wouldn't really bother me.
I still have no more than a whisper coming out of me when I speak. At least this week I have a real excuse for playing hooky from church.
So Mom, Ich bin nicht keine Deutsch Eiche! I'd call her myself but it seems I have been silenced by the rest of the oaks!

Life In A Holding Pattern

I am waiting for my life to start. You would think that at 44 years of age I would know what I want out of life. What I wouldn't give to have a goal or to know what I want out of life or what I want to be when I grow type of thing. Trying to find yourself is totally over-rated. I have been searching for years and still have no clue. I know I have been unhappy with some of my choices and know what I don't want...but the "do likes" are as allusive as sand crabs on a crowded beach. You see other people with them, but all you get is the sand streaming through your fingers as the tide washes your hopes away. I think part of my problem is I am many different people in one. My desires are so diverse that if I give in to one, it deprives the others. No, I am not Sybil. I do not turn into different people. Like music, I love classical and I love Gospel...and I love Aerosmith, Lil'Wayne, Pink, Josh Groben, Timberland, The Guess Who, Joan Jett, Old Christian hymns...well I think you get the idea. I don't like Blues (too depressing) or most Jazz (much to my husband's dismay).
There are people with "old souls". I guess those people just know as if they have been through this more than once. If that is the case, I have a brand new never been tried soul because I was born completely confused about life, and more than likely I will be in a confused state when I die. Then there are those that just fall into a wonderful life. I know life is a struggle, but boy, sometimes I just feel like I have had my share. So I am back to the waiting part. I am waiting for things to fall into place, or a sign to where I should go or do next. Until then, I will be here waiting to get to there with as little turbulence as possible. I just don't want to be stuck here indefinitely.